XANIMONSTA: ALTERNATIVE TRAP

As the evening settles, a conversation begins: uncandid, unfiltered, and unedited. It’s with a young man who’s got a lot to say, and a voice that doesn’t waver for anyone’s approval. Rarely do we see an artist so willing to dive into philosophical dilemmas while peeling back the false personas often painted over their art. If art is meant to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable, then Xanimonsta’s discography embodies that quote to the fullest. He moves through misconceptions, shadowed truths, and the raw reality of his unorthodox life as a young man in America. Xanimonsta doesn’t shy away—he unpacks it all and leaves no stone unturned.

KB: Alright lets ge-

XM: (laughs) oh! Shit it said “its going to be recording” (more laughter) this is so fucking lit kill what the fuuckkk- (laughter) you’re the littest in the world holy fuck my bad.

KB: Your good man..(laughs) that was hilarious this is going to be great- yea we got to leave that it in. Now let’s get right into it, please introduce yourself!

XM: My name is Not Xanime or Xanime- as some people say. The name itself is symbolic of a contradiction within itself— Self doubt.

KB: We are already off to a great start, it sounds indicative of self-doubt. With that level of introspective reflection, I have to ask- are there any misconceptions you would like to disprove here today?

XM: One of the biggest misconceptions of my art is that I’m a bad person. I have gotten multiple emails and direct messages—specifically because of my last project 66.6 kiss fm. Even the subject matter of my music is often raw and untamed. It is very vice-y and vulgar. In that, people will often times take my music literally rather than symbolically- they see me simply talking about these subjects as an advertisement and its more so an autobiography of sorts of my experience.

KB: I understand that, its more figurative not literal

XM: Yeah exactly. Even in a lot of songs I will take a figurative standpoint. I will go through something, and I will take a different perspective when I write about it. Some of the stories I write about may not be a real thing- it can simply be symbolic of something else that happened in my life. It’s all subjective at the end of the day. It’s for other people’s enjoyment or relation and I just hope that through me talking about these raw subjects that I can cultivate a fanbase of more honest and empathetic people.

KB: Within mainstream media we see artist taking symbolic action through their art- we see the message of their art completely lost in translation and subdued to something as banal as satanism. How does it feel to be looped into that level of misinterpretation?

XM: I’ll give you an example, I got an email a while back from one of my supporters. Someone who I had known personally, and I knew them to be Christian. In short, they said, “I really enjoyed your music, but I think you need to find god.”; It’s a tough subject. I grew up Romanian Catholic (he pauses)... I grew up going to church, I was baptized, and I have the trinity tattooed above my heart. I don’t think me talking about any specific subject matter is at all an advertisement, It’s a lived experience. I think I’m one of gods dark angels and throughout the bible, God had his dark angels. The fallen angels, like Micheal— like Lucifer. I think that it really goes to show God made light and dark or good and evil for a reason. It’s a balancing act, and with my art I am more so trying to showcase all of me. In chasing art and self-expression, it’s because I want to be loved. I was abandoned as a child, so in the world I want to feel understood, wanted, respected and I want to feel great. I am chasing all those things while still trying to make my best work that people can attach themselves to.

KB: The music you make is provocative and it is not a entirety of your persona nor your religious beliefs. How did you develop your unique artistic style?

XM: There are multiple things that go into this. Ill categorize it into three main topics; the first thing would be my lived experience and my habits as a person. As a child I was abandoned a lot; I grew up with abandonment issues and I have a lot of abandonment issues now. I am all the time trying to create music that i think people will absolutely love and if they don’t absolutely love it i feel terrible about myself; I feel depressed and worthless. I have to bring my best to the table because if I don’t, I will be left behind. This is what pushes my music to be so against the wall and avant-garde. The second topic would be the people I have met throughout my life. Often times i will make music based on the energy or aesthetic of how someone Elses aura made me feel. When I’m making songs it’s not just what I’m writing it’s also the atmosphere. The atmosphere of the song can feel like an entity of itself- like an entire person. It could be someone you lost, love or hate. The third thing would be other music. Growing up i listened to a lot of music. Artist like Micheal Jackson, 50 cent and Akon when i was really really young. Later in my life it was Kendrick Lamar, Space Ghost Purp, Drake and Wifisfuneral.

KB: Knowing now that Synesthasia is something you have, do you feel as though your music is a physical part of you?

XM: Yes absolutely! I don’t even think it’s just a physical part of me; it feels spiritual and ritualistic at points. Since the dawn of man people have ingested drugs and engaged in rituals. One of the biggest things you can do for yourself is have a ritual directly when you wake up. When I make music often times it feels as if I’m a antenna tuning in. When I’m in the studio I only record alone most of the time and in complete darkness. I will get intoxicated— ill smoke— and really engage with the sound. I can get flashes of energy up and down my back I’ll feel lightheaded and simultaneously like everything all at once. It’s a flow state where I’m able to do my best work in everything. I come obsessive in chasing the high I get from creating music. It’s better than love, sex, money— it’s better than everything that I’ve been offered in my life.

KB: let’s bring it back to your world as an artist, phoenix Is not usually the first-place people think of when it comes to underground music scenes- how has the city shaped your artistry?

XM: An insane amount, without being born here- I don’t think at all I would’ve become the person I am now. My family has a rich history here; I come from an adopted family. Having a rich history here- I’ve only ever lived here and Mexico. The biggest thing for me is freedom. This is seriously the Wild West from the time I turned an adult and beforehand I’ve had gunslinger liabilities. That goes for most kids out here. Most of us are doing our big one. By 16. It’s different out here- there is no organization, respect, love- anything can happen anywhere anytime. That’s the thing about the Wild West and it’s a big player in my music. I talk about keeping the flame from the A(Arizona). It is unpredictable out here- Arizona is in its own world. Shits cool.

KB: Different influencers have united forces to bring together Arizona’s underground music scene, in terms of longevity what do you see coming out of this?

XM: I really do hope there is longevity in the unification we see… but to be king you must slaughter the last and not everybody can be Mickey. I think that is a big problem. The great mobile suit- a living legend in Arizona- told me this ” Mickey Mouse is a great show. Mickey Mouse is an amazing show; but is mickey mouse the clubhouse the same if only mickey mouse was on the show? No. It is Mickey Mouse the clubhouse because there is a clubhouse.” At the age of 17 he told me this and I never forgot it. There are alot of people that are failing to play their role correctly. I am a big proponent of; it is not about who gets the role- but who plays it best. I think people should be less selfish with their ambitions for the scene. Alot of people do great things but many people just make a lot of noise. However, with great art comes with a new bar to be set. As long as great art is being made and their discipline alongside a kept word then there will be longevity. So, (he laughs) as long as everybody stays cool, refrains from being hoes and doesn’t get beat the fuck up then it’s going to be fire.

KB: Initially I was under the impression that you were deeply D.I.Y in your approach, after today’s conversation I can see there is a level of perfectionism behind your work. While stil being a independent artist what are some of the biggest challenges and freedoms that come with building a career without a label?

XM: My biggest challenge being a perfectionist is the reason I do not do features with anyone. I am a diva (he laughs) l… I am truly a diva about it, and I have anger issues. I know in my heart if it does not go my way I am going to want to fight about it… and I cannot just fight everybody, so I just stay away from people. Another thing is I don’t make music to make money. Making money is a great aspect of making music but I don’t take commission work because it’s a soul killer- at least for me. My biggest freedom is having true artistic control. When I say “I’m a diva” it’s because I am passionate. For lack of better words, it’s not for no reason. I’m not crazy I just don’t like when people don’t listen, I perfect my music to my liking and work with people who truly see my vision. let me be clear, I am very much a collaborative person, but i love being independent. That is not me saying I wouldn’t love to reach an amazing deal off of the music I’m curating, or the idea of having a great team to work with and delegating roles in places that I may not fit the best.

KB: We have talked about roles a great deal in tonight’s conversation- What do you think your role is in the scene?

XM: To be the best of course (laughter) but um, I think my role is clear enough I guess

KB: Your emotion comes through strongly throughout your music, how do you take care of yourself while also being so open creatively?

XM: Honestly, I don’t. My music is therapeutic in a way that I express myself to the point where the audience can feel what I have gone through internally without putting it into direct words. If I am hurting over heartbreak or real-life situations I will make a song about x, y and z to Invoke the same emotions I am going through. My music is how I take care of myself. I have always had emotional, physical, and spiritual issues that I have kept locked within myself. I was never much of a talker. When everything is locked in your chest like this- you have this need and want to get it out of your body when you can’t. Thats why I make art, it is a way for me having a connection between one another while living through hell on earth and trying to feel love.

KB: You rap like someone who has been through 3 lifetimes – what is the heaviest thing you have ever turned into a track?

XM: My most emotional song called Don’t speak. It is a 50 second interlude off of my most recent tape. It is supposed to embody sexual trauma and violence. In the song I take the role and perspective of a misogynistic and hateful version of myself. In the song I say, ” it’s always better when a bitch don’t speak, baby you should come and ride on me”. It’s a sexually violent person telling their partner to silence their words with sex being the latter. It is devaluing, yet it is said with seduction so that all you can do is bob your head to it without realizing what the song is about. It is symbolic of people who commit sexual crimes. Often times it’s not the creeper, it’s the person you never expect- it is the sweet talker. it’s the people America idolizes the most. Like lucifer, he is depicted as a seductive figure and God as seen as hard to speak to. That song is a calling card of my use of symbolism and the ambience that surround my music.

KB: Your music is dark in nature, but there is a story behind it- while you speak on violence, abandonment and religion- Is it a liability or a weapon to be this open and real within the music industry?

XM: I think it’s both. Art is the number one way to brainwash people. It is used for propaganda, it’s the first line of defense in influence people. I refer to this analogy a lot. There are two people in the art world. One is on the corner jumping and hollering as you walk by with a sign. They scream and shout for you to view their work, you’re less likely to engage- most people will simply walk off. On that same corner there is a truly beautiful poster left by its lonesome. As you walk by a friend points it out and says, “hey that is a nice poster… let’s take a picture lets scan it etc. etc.” in agreeance you say back, ” you know what it really is.” it becomes an interest base thing. The creator of the lonesome poster is the same type of person who was then dismissed for shouting and demanding you view their art. One was digestible and one was not. Some information in the world is to raw and uncut for others. They need it to be made a little different to where it is more digestible for the commonwealth. That is what I am doing here with these more vulgar topics. I’m creating a conversation- where people feel ok to speak about it.

KB: Your usage of analogies explains your thought process in a more mundane way- in the music world there lives its own cliches. If you could burn down one cliche in music what would it be and why?

XM: The number one cliche in music is the classic Charleton. The classic nepo-baby. It is why I am such a big proponent of, “it’s not who gets the role but who plays it the best.”. Throughout this industry you see so many people who may not be worthy but have access to those resources and opportunities to push their agenda. That goes for any industry, while it may be a bland answer- that has to be the biggest one for me.

KB: How do you keep creating in a world that is trying to sanitize, commodify and silence voices like yours?

XM: That is a great question, it speaks to my music. I am a 20-year-old man living in America. I happen to make music that reflects and relates to that experience. That experience can be hard to relate to and connect to especially as a young man in a growing world that is changing in so many directions. Young men… the ability to speak about the things that bother them is inhibited. I can’t say exactly by what- there is a multitude of factors. Expressing themselves in fruit-able way and to create a life for themselves that is enjoyable is being restricted. In turn, they are lashing out in more impulsive decisions. In my art, I relate to that youthful impulsivity, ignorance and carelessness in the world. When your house is full of fire, what is a bucket full of water, who cares you should just walk away. That is how a lot of young men feel right now. They feel jaded towards everything. Minimalism and the engineer’s dilemma have ripped away the soul of humanity leaving the largest proponent of music contributors to feel what is left. It’s not just about music. My art is all encompassing- it is more than a auditory experience.

KB: The sentiment you have shared in our talks today is a common proponent that artist within different demographical backgrounds have shared with us , Is there ever a point where you overcome these factors?

XM: It lingers in my mind. I am somebody that deals with resentment towards the world because I feel pressured and within the realm of isolation. The only way you can deal with it is to keep going. Being a man, that is what they tell you; “You just have to get your shit together and make it happen”. That is your role. It is not that we have less outlets now, back in the day men still struggled with these same sentiments and given the same answer. With easier access to information, even if you have an outlet- there is so much stuff going on in the world. It leaves everything clouded.

KB: With an open tunnel of confusion and cloudiness, everyone is left without a breathing point. Social media is becoming a more corrosive entity.

XM: I love that you built on that answer right there, that brings me to another point. Back in the day, a person could go home and vent about a bad day to Kill Bill and it would be met with empathy. As of today, venting does not just include a bad workday. Now, it’s coming home to Kill Bill, and every bad day is also built off of the media they consumed Aswell- it now entails everything, making life more complex than it ever was before. It goes with both sides of the equation; there is so much noise today. For example, how am i supposed to get to Kill Bills issues and Chrisean Rock just covered up Blueface’s tattoo again. Like what the fuck. (laughter)… it’s a constant information overload and it goes for both sides.

KB: Dude (laughs).. I get what your saying- I want to bring this full circle for a moment. We have gotten to the deeper meaning behind your art and the things you have struggled with and surpassed to get to this point. If someone stumbled across your music for the first time at 3AM with headphones on and no context- what do you hope sticks with them when the last note fades?

XM: That is very descriptive question Kill Bill; you are very good at this by the way. Honestly… truly… I would want them to like me. I would want them to love me. I would want them to feel attached to the atmosphere I create and to feel the words, as you said, every note. I would want them to feel like they should take a bigger bite.

KB: Well said, is there anyone you would like to highlight that has been a true supporter throughout your journey?

XM: First and foremost, shout out to Baymack, 01.Gemini (Formerly known as Vendetta), and Lilmazijugg. Those are my three day one brothers; without them I would be nothing. When I was 15, Baymack brought me to my first show, put me in my first designer clothes and put me on my first stage. It was the first time I ever felt welcomed coming from a broken family. My grandmother died when I was very young, being the youngest I did not get a lot of attention. Getting the love, attention, and put on from them boys- having people who saw me as their equal and appreciated my talents and presence- was just insane. Nickolas Canyon of DHG (David Heard Gallery) are the best production company of Arizona- they do all of my media, and I love them to death. Nickolas is an amazing person, if you’re looking to shoot movies- hit him up. Big ass shout out to Doom Division. They have time and time again shown support and given me immense opportunity and love. There are just so many people, if they are in my following and we engage – know that I respect their craft and them as an artist. For my 6th shoutout- it goes directly to TBTUAZ and you, Kill Bill. Kill has shown support forever, literally. My honorable mention is my moms, my OG.

KB: Thank you homie, This has been one of the more enjoyable interviews. I want to thank for taking the time to speak with us today. Do you have any words you want to leave with our readers?

Love is the most powerful emotion, fight evil with love, and fire. Investigate the powerful, stand up for the weak and risk it all in the process. Don’t talk about kill bill or ill knock you out; Thank you Kill and TBTU for the opportunity. Thank you God, thank you all. Stream 6, Alttrap coming soon, watch the films, LOVE.

NOTXanime 2025

NotXanime sets himself aside with his use of dark imagery to steer away people unaccustomed to long form content and the utilization of metaphors. In doing so, he has created a family of interlooped fans and friends that can peel back his layers and accept his music for what it truly is. A living commentary of today’s world. Following the recording of this conversation, Xani released Lust a short film surrounding his latest tape. In the following weeks it was announced that Xani will be performing at the annual hiphopfest Located in Monarch theatre on July 12th. Outside of music, Xani is a young man in America finding his footing through a world that is absent of empathy. Everyone is a product of their environment but very few question their motives through song and film. Music is open to interpretation.Beyond the shallow remarks that remove well thought out symbolism- leaves the unimaginative to misconceive art for hatred and satanism. Xani speaks in analogies holding every conversation like an unfinished canvas. As his bigger dreams come to fruition, his audience has become broader. Leaving misconceptions and disingenuine remarks behind- Xani thrives on the motivation beside him and the environment that bread him.